I think I have always written off how creative I am,

I thought that my smarts made me the man.

But I am not a man.

I do not want to be a man.

I want to dance (I cannot).

I want to sing (I cannot).

I draw (not well).

I write (barely).

I want to fly.

Maybe I am the man.

It is the fourth anniversary.

And I am alone.

I watched my show,

I go on my phone,

I draw some drawings to try to feel significant.

Or maybe to try to feel like this date is significant.

Or maybe to try to convince myself that I am doing better.

I am doing better.

Job,

I meant to write more, but that is all that exist.

Just my job and my show and my phone.

And occasionally drawing (not well).

Is this what life is?

there’s a point where a friend is no longer.

what brings the change?

without you there’s an extinguished ember.

who changed?

and in what world are we no longer

maids of honor?

and he is now the only thing 

that you are fond of?

goodbye bikes. goodbye Summit.

goodbye drives and mac miller.

there’s a point where a friend is no longer.

why did you change?

and suddenly i’m listening to the same song i always did when i was 17

but i’m not 17 anymore

im not driving with sophia on a summer night

i have a job offer

i still am 17

• i promised to go back to lima to the spot by the view of the water where there is a statue of people in love. i think and there is big step benches things. i will sit at the top
• god is peruvian and so is spider man

and if i do not, what a pity.

for so much pain to continue to live.

death, be not proud.

for some have called thee

mighty and dreadful,

for thou art not so.

for those whomst thou thinks thou dost overthrow

die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

i live for poetry,

irony.

knowing that you cannot turn to your mother in a time of grief

is a difficult burden.

for lust, lies, gossip,

are but daily avails.

death, does though mean these crimes are my sins?

despite my blessings?

how dost thou win.

hope, beautiful hope, 

does not prevail.

and death ends all.

yet death brings all.

compassion, rebirth